The last time I travelled for an extended period I was on my own. It was much easier to act as a dick, move on to the next town and try to get it right the next time. Now when travelling as a couple it’s much more important to not act like a dick in the first place and avoid that brooding growth of bad feeling that can explode into a storm. Both Sarah and I bottle up grudges until the final straw bares no relation to the size of the reaction to the straw snapping. When travelling around south east Australia on a car trip a few years ago there was a run of days above 40 degrees. This combination will almost inevitably lead to arguments. The final straw for me was being criticized for not packing the boot well enough, although I didn’t express this until a few hours later. For Sarah it was when we were stopped at a tiny Victorian road-side picnic area in the afternoon of a 42 degree day and I cut tomato for my sandwich, but not hers.
The point is not what triggers the argument, but the feelings and emotions behind it. Ideally we would not get to the point where we are so pissed off that a small incident is enought to tip us over the edge. Inevitably we will have a few fights in a 12-month trip but just being aware of what can cause tension will hopefully help in stopping them building up into typhoons.
While on layover in Fiji I started a travellers charter which Sarah and I came up with from our previous travel experiences. We might add to this over time but just writing them down is enough to make us think about our behaviour to each other and act with consideration.
– Learn to embrace waiting
– Respect each others opinions and desires
– Be kind and forgiving of fatigue induced mistakes
– Treat each other as individuals, not just as extension of ourselves
– Make requests politely and with respect
– Admit to fault and forgive the inevitabe arguments
– Spend in the local economy
– Be open to new experiences and people
– Before having an argument check whether tired, hungry, thirsty, hot/cold or need toilet and fix that first
– Spend time apart every so often so that you can be excited to see each other again
– Never tell the other person that they look tired. There’s nothing they can do about it.
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